Don't Know Nothing 'Bout History....

History was never my strong suit. I think the turning point was the overly enthusiastic teacher I had in 7th grade who scared me so much. I struggled with the requirement in college, garnering my only C. Whenever I find myself at a historic battlefield or museum, the sight of all those plaques makes my eyes glaze over. But in the interest of making up for lost time and setting a good example for my children I do try to drum up some enthusiasm.

I recently spent five days in Williamsburg, Virginia. I will admit up front that it wasn’t my idea and I went there for reasons having nothing to do with history. The trip was a Christmas gift from my husband. He (and a bunch of other incredibly thoughtful hubbies) gave me (and four other women from my book club) five days on a beautiful plantation. So, being honest, I went there to eat, drink and be merry with friends. Oh, and of course we read a book. One of the husbands (shout out to Mark, here) picked the book, “Dark Enough to See the Stars in a Jamestown Sky” for us to read and discuss (we really did!). Despite the verbose title and somewhat dry writing, the book brought history to life. It was the journal of a woman named Joan who journeyed across the Atlantic to settle in the first Jamestown settlement, survived the “starving time” and hostile Indians, and lived to tell.

Joan’s story raised a lot of issues about self-reliance, food preservation, and just how easy we have it these days. Most of us have never been truly hungry and we’ve certainly never been in danger of starving. Reading about the struggle for sustenance and the possibility of death on a daily basis was a foreign concept for me. But it is a very present reality for many on our planet. The desperation that rearranged priorities and perspectives was clear. The plight of a mother unable to adequately feed her child was heart-wrenching. I was glad I could close the cover. While it was a lesson in history, it made the present real.

What will history say about us? The house where we stayed was built in the 1700’s - the first time. It had only resided at its current location for 30 years. The owner had painstakingly moved it, piece by piece in his Ford Pinto. (Yes, really!) It was restored beautifully and we delighted in the details we discovered – dishes, carpentry, art work, weaponry, books. The grounds were gorgeous. The whole place looked like it had been plucked right from the center of Williamsburg and placed there in the forest across the river.

In between the revelry (no kids!! no where to be!! No one will ever know!!), I managed a few trail runs. Some of the trees I passed were enormous and I wondered if they had been there while Joan was across the river starving in Jamestown. Knowing the settlers had survived by eating acorns, I had new respect for the tiny nuts as they crunched under my feet. Maybe it was my hangover, but I really felt those woods were hallowed.

Which makes me wonder – what kind of history are we making? There have been huge changes in my lifetime. The world has become a different place. I’m not sure that all of it is for the better. But what kind of history am I making here in my family? I know so little about my own grandparents, and even less about my great-grandparents. I don’t know what their lives were like, what they held as important, or what kind of dreams they had. That’s only two generations removed. What will my own grandchildren know about me?

Because I write so much, I’m guessing my grandchildren might know more than they want to know about me. I trust that my journals will prove much too boring for any of my children to ever wade through. But I hope they will know something of me. How will you be remembered? Have you given the idea any thought? Will it be for the beautiful collection of art or stamps or books? Have you preserved your stories in scrapbooks or journals? Will you leave jewelry or furniture that has been infused with your spirit? I realize that the “stuff” we leave behind isn’t as important as our impact on the lives of the people we leave behind, but being in that historic house and wondering about the stuff that was left behind made me wonder about the people who left it. It made me want to know who they were.

Most of us don’t stay long enough in one place to allow our gardens to be our legacy. Our first house was 150 years old. The garden in the foundation of the old carriage house was probably at least 75 years old. I loved to work in that garden and wonder if the peonies (there were hundreds) were descended from peonies planted by someone who gardened at the turn of the century. We found a collection of old tobacco cans in the crawl space and my husband and I laughed at the idea that someone used to hunker down in the pump room for their daily fix. What are we leaving behind?

I do believe we will leave some kind of history, however sketchy. If we don’t want our legacy to be the hours we spent watching reality TV or reading profiles on Facebook, it would behoove us to consider what we will pass down. I hope my grandchildren get a few of my freckles, but I also hope they use my bone china and mismatched pottery. I hope they read this blog. I hope the tomatoes I grow this summer will pass along their seeds in to the next century. Imagine.

Like the settlers at Jamestown, we need to prepare. Maybe we don’t have to crush acorns for flour, but we do need to think carefully about what we teach our children. What we arrange our lives around. We are living history. As I read the story of Jamestown, it wasn’t so much the survival of Joan, but the thousands that didn’t survive that haunted me. So many people traveled so far, only to perish. We know nothing about them but a name on a roll, and sometimes we don’t even have that since many women and children tagged along unaccounted.

Make sure someone remembers your name. Think about the legacy you will leave behind, including the “stuff”. This is the only life you get, don’t squander it. Start collecting acorns.

I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees....

When I was a child in elementary school I remember carefully creating a poster to celebrate Arbor Day, but for the life of me I don’t know what it is. This time of year I always get the Arbor Day Foundation’s mailings. I appreciate the free address labels, this year appropriately adorned with nuts, but I never make a donation. I read the information. I even filled out the paper work like I was going to finally pay for all those free address labels, but then I thought – I don’t want to plant all those silly decorative trees. I want to plant real trees. From what I can tell the Arbor Day Foundation’s whole purpose is to get people to plant trees. And I plan on planting 20 of them this April! I would have given them a donation anyway, except they never got around to telling me exactly what “Arbor Day” is and how it came to be. I did look it up on the internet, but I won’t bore you with the story (it’s no where near as exciting as Johnny Appleseed). Arbor Day is April 29 this year, in case you’re wondering.

Have you ever planted a tree? Planting a tree, especially a real tree (as opposed to a decorative tree or a fruit tree) is an act of hope and faith. It’s an investment in the future. Most of us don’t stay in the same place long enough to see an Oak Tree or a Hickory Tree grow to it’s full height. You don’t plant a tree like that for your own satisfaction. It’s an act of altruism.

I grew up in the woods. The trees surrounding my childhood home were enormous hundred+ year old trees. You could barely see the tops. The woods were so dense we were never able to grow grass although my father sure tried. He finally gave up and turned the front “lawn” in to a circle driveway around the trees. When my children grumble about helping me with some outside chore, I regale them with the tale of being forced to pick up sticks and/or rake leaves for hours every Saturday as a child. I loved those trees though, even if they did spoil plenty a play date for me. When you looked up, the canopy was so dense the sunlight sparkled like photo flashes between the leaves. When the wind was really strong those mighty trunks would sway ferosciously, and I was certain they were coming down momentarily. Trees like that speak to your soul. To my young heart, those trees were a thousand years old and I wondered what stories they could tell.

Planting a tree with your kids is a must-do parenthood moment that I haven’t had yet. We had great intentions of planting a tree when each child was born and then taking their picture next to it every year of their life. We did plant a tree for our first-born, but we pretty much forgot about it and it withered to a sad brown stick. Then there was the problem of moving around too much, so it seemed silly to invest in a tree I wouldn’t see grow. Thankfully, my mindset has evolved. I understand more fully that we are all on the same boat. (A fact Japan’s nuclear disaster is bringing home clearly).

I don’t know whether we will be here pushing a grandchild-filled stroller up this god-forsaken hill someday, but either way I’m ready to build some forest. This spring we are planting “real” trees – 10 white oaks and 10 Shellbark Hickories to be exact. We’re purchasing them through the Seedling Sale sponsored by the York County Conservation District. If you don’t live in York County, you should look up your own Conservation District because you have one. There are 3000 of them spread out across this country. You can find yours at http://www.nacdnet.org./

These nonprofit Conservation Districts were created in 1946 to protect the health of the land and the welfare of future generations. They sponsor all kinds of important projects (and are always looking for volunteers – another great thing to do with your kids!). Their projects involve protecting and conserving wetlands and wildlife. They also assist communities in planting trees and other land covers so that our soil is held in place, our air is cleaned, and wildlife have a place to safely co-exist.

Because Conservation Districts are non-profits they sell seedlings for cheap and offer advice for free. If you’re ready to order your trees you better get a move on, because our sale, at least, is ending March 28th, with pick up on April 15th. April is the perfect time to plant some trees and here are a whole lot of reasons to plant them. Share this information with your kids!

Trees:

• filter pollution from the air (by absorbing carbon at a rate of 13 pounds per tree per year! They do the most good at about 10 years.)

• help recycle water

• prevent soil erosion/loss

• give shelter from wind and rain

• provide homes for animals/birds

• make food for humans and wildlife

• provide fuel for stoves and fireplaces

• provide lumber, plywood and other building materials

• reduce utility bills (by providing windbreaks which shield against wind and snow, reducing heating costs by as much as 30%)

• provide shade to cools hot streets and parking lots

• add beauty and grace to our lives

• provide ingredients for pharmaceutical and other medicinal purposes

• help reduce stress (research backs this up!)

• help us connect with nature

And without them there would be no life on this planet!!

I hope you’ll go outside today and consider where you could plant a tree (of any size, I was just kidding about that “real” label). Order yours now, April is a great time to plant and it’s just around the corner. Get your whole family involved. You could even plan a party around it. If you haven’t got land to plant a tree, consider volunteering with the Conservation District to plant trees somewhere else.

“I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues."

- Dr. Suess

"Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them."

- Bill Vaughan

"Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago."

- Warren Buffett

"The wonder is that we can see these trees and not wonder more."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"He who plants a tree, plants hope."

- Lucy Larcom, Plant a Tree

"A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in."

- Greek Proverb

"A man does not plant a tree for himself, he plants it for posterity."

- Alexander Smith

Are You Getting Your Fair Share of Animal?

Most everybody I know thinks factory farming is horrible. And most everybody I know likes to eat at fast food restaurants. Is this just the cumulative effect of little white lies? Or did we not understand the unit on cause and effect in middle school science class?

I’ve been reading a great book called, Food Matters by Mark Bittman. He writes about the fact that we are an unhealthy people on an unhealthy planet and we are headed for disaster (or at least the really poor people are) if nothing is done to change our ways. He says it much nicer and with a lot more graphs and charts, but his point is true. Here’s a few of his facts that stood out for me:

60 billion animals are raised each year for food – 10 animals for every human on earth. Now I’m fairly certain that there are a lot of people out there who aren’t getting their share of animals. And I’m guessing it’s not because they don’t want them. It’s most likely because somebody else is eating them.

  

1 billion people in the world are chronically hungry; 1 billion people are overweight. Hmmm….

 When you take in to account the fuels needed to feed a cow (including planting, applying pesticides and fertilizing, and then harvesting and transporting the feed) and then you take in to account the life in the feedlot, butchering, packaging, and transporting; the average steer raised in the US consumes about 135 gallons of gasoline in its lifetime. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if we eat less meat, we’re going to have significantly less impact. As Bittman puts it, “If we each ate the equivalent of three fewer cheeseburgers a week, we’d cancel out the effects of all the SUVs in the country.”

 Eating less meat isn’t only a good idea from an environmental and global perspective; it’s also a good idea for your health. A National Cancer Institute study of 550,000 people found that those who ate 4 ounces of red meat daily (and how many ounces would there be in a quarter pounder? C’mon dust off those math skills), were 30% more likely to die of any cause (any cause) over ten years than those who consumed less. Yeah, yeah, I’m sure you can start shooting darts in my data, but this was 550,000 people so that birdie won’t fly. The average person in a developing country eats a ½ pound of meat daily – that’s twice what a body needs. And we wonder why we’re obese?

 According to the Mayo Clinic, eating less meat (red meat and processed meats) not only lowers your fat and calorie intake, it also generally lowers your cholesterol. And eating less meat saves you money. Beans, cheese, eggs, and veggies are much cheaper than meat. 

 Bittman does not propose that we all become vegetarians. Heck no, he even has some nice meat recipes in his book. What he does propose is that we eat less meat. In my reading I came across the term “flexitarian” several times. It’s a term referring to people who eat mostly plant-based foods, with occasional helpings of meat, poultry, and fish.

  

Eating less meat is a goal I have for my family. And the meat we do it should be meat that was raised humanely, without unnecessary antibiotics, hormones, and junk food. So eat less meat, but eat better meat. Figuring out what to eat when there isn’t meat involved isn’t really as hard as you think. Here are a few ideas: 

• pasta of any kind – tortellini, ravioli, spaghetti, fettuccini, veggie lasagna, stuff shells, mac & cheese,
•  soups (having a soup night each week is good for you- body and soul)
•  Mexican food (substituting beans for meat) – burritos, quesadillas, enchiladas, nachos
•  Vegetable egg rolls and veggie fried rice (Trader Joes has excellent egg rolls and veggie fried rice is way easy to make)
• Pizza (establish a pizza night and nix the pepperoni)
• Eggs – scrambled, quiche, fried, hard-boiled (so much you can do with an egg! And if you need some fresh, free range eggs, give me a call. We’re overloaded right now- $3/dozen)
• Salad bar (my kids love this one. We include leftovers on the side. Be sure to offer nuts, craisins, hard-boiled eggs, and cheese to get some protein in there)
• Breakfast for dinner (always a winner)
• Meatless Chili (crock pot time)
• Seafood (who doesn't need an excuse to eat more seafood?)

 Together corn and soy account for 50% of the harvest in the US. And most of that harvest is used to feed animals that we plan to eat. Maybe if demand for those animals wasn’t so high, that food could be used for people. There is more than enough food to feed this planet. It’s just not being evenly distributed. If we reduce the demand for meat, factory farms wouldn’t be necessary and food manufacturers might need to find something else to do with all that soy and corn. Little changes in every household will add up.

But here’s the crux of it, according to Bittman, if we currently raise 60 billion animals for meat, ten animals for each person; we will need to raise 120 billion animals by 2050 to sustain that level. We don’t have the space, energy, atmosphere, or water supply to meet that demand. Can’t happen. So something has to give. Our ancestors lived on much less meat, but somewhere along the line we began to believe that we needed more. We don’t.

Surprise!

I love surprises. Well, maybe I should clarify that – I love good surprises. No one likes to be surprised by bad stuff. I once had a bad surprise that was actually a great surprise for my kids. We had recently moved in to the house we are in now and I was sorting through our accumulated life in boxes upstairs, when my oldest son suddenly burst out of the basement door yelling, “I need my bathing suit!” This alarmed me only slightly because my kids were big in to dress up at that time. As I continued sorting, curiosity got the better of me. It was early spring and definitely not bathing suit weather on our chilly hill.

Opening the basement door, I heard delighted squeals from my then 3 year-old daughter. Descending the stairs I got my awful surprise – the basement was under six inches of water. My daughter was happily splashing and the cat was floating on a “raft” made of the foam carpet squares we had just put down so the kids could play. An example of how one surprise can be good for one person and bad for another. (turns out the sump-pump was jammed, easily fixed and it helped us part with the ruined contents of too many boxes)

My husband and I love to surprise our kids. Christmas morning is always filled with its share of surprises, but there are lots of other holiday and non-holiday surprises too. St. Patrick’s Day is fast approaching and my kids are already talking about the tiny leprechaun hats they discovered last year that contained clues leading them to more hats and eventually a “pot of gold” (chocolate coins).

A few summers ago, we woke them up at 6am and said, “Get your suits on, we’re going to the beach!” and we fed them breakfast in the car as we drove to the beach for the day. Never mind the fortunes we have spent renting beach houses, that day remains their favorite beach memory.

The cruise we went on a few weeks ago was our greatest surprise yet. We planned and prepared for it for six months without the kids knowing. On the day of the cruise, we waited for each one to get up and get dressed for school. When they found us in our room packing suitcases, they scratched their heads sleepily and then we said, “How about instead of going to school today, we go to Florida?!!” Oh – that was the best moment of the entire vacation! (the picture above is of my youngest realizing we’re weren’t kidding)

What makes surprises so special is they are proof positive that someone was thinking about you. Which feels pretty good. I think surprising your kids is one of the greatest joys you can get as a parent. They don’t have to be huge surprises. And they don’t have to be that often. In fact, it’s best to spread them out otherwise they cease being surprises and become expected. Need some ideas?

• Pick your child up at the bus stop for an impromptu movie date (the movies are cheaper before 5pm!)

• Show up at school at lunchtime to pick up your child for an “appointment” which is lunch with you at a favorite restaurant or a picnic at the park

• Leave a small gift on their pillow

• Write a note in their planner or leave one in the pocket of their jeans.

• Bring home a new outfit or a book for them “just because”.

• Do a chore for them (mine love when I do their kitchen chore for them)

• Leave a love note on the bathroom mirror or the inside of the closet.

• Serve breakfast for dinner

• Make a special dessert or hand out fortune cookies

• Bring home a new pet (hermit crabs and betta fish count!)

These things don’t have to cost a fortune either. I find all kinds of treasures at the Goodwill and love to surprise the kids with them.

I think I picked up this habit from my husband. He surprises me regularly with small gifts or gestures. Sometimes it’s messages in unexpected places (my to-do list, my calendar). Sometimes it’s doing a chore for me, filling up my car with gas, or fixing something that’s broken that I never mentioned to him. Every once in a while, it’s even flowers. Little stuff, but it makes the ride more interesting. I just never know what might happen on a given day.

I hope my kids are developing this same belief. The belief that anything could happen today. Life is full of surprises. Sure, some of them stink. But you never know, the one after that might be amazing. You might wake up thinking you have a science test and a few hours later find yourself on an airplane bound for warmer places. So much of the time I’m nagging my kids, driving them, reminding them, disciplining them, lecturing them, but every now and then I surprise them. And that makes up for a lot of grumbling. It tells them that I love them so much I’m always thinking up ways to make them smile. They just never know what I might be planning. So they better be nice to me!

Cruising and Questioning



Where I was this time last week

 We just returned from our very first cruise. This trip was born last March when we were living with the remnants of four feet of snow. I could only think about going somewhere the sun was guaranteed to shine on my bare toes. When I signed on for the cruise, I didn’t think about any of the realities – the cost, the details, the extravagance. We don’t vacation like that. Our vacations usually include some kind of physical discomfort – sleeping on the ground, driving a long distance, cleaning up after ourselves. We are not accustomed to five course meals, chocolates on our pillows, and days filled with no other options but – lay around, eat, lay around some more.

As nice as it was to escape the cold, I must confess I was a little uncomfortable with the lifestyle. And I’m not just talking about the tightness of my clothes by the end of the week. It seemed a bit overindulgent, which is nice on occasion I suppose. Seven days of it was more than enough for me. While on the cruise we heard about people who stay on the boat for several weeks or take tours that last months, even around the world in 107 days. There is an elderly woman who has actually lived on the ship we were on for the last 15 years. Doing the math, my hubby and me figured it’s about the same cost as a good retirement community.

All this indulgence got me thinking. Why do we need so much? When we were in Belize City we saw such desperation. The lucky merchants who had stands near the port showcased a tired, but colorful, assortment of items for sale. If you paused longer than a few seconds in front of any one item they were ready to bargain down to pennies to make the sale. As we walked in one open-air market guarded by military with machine guns, women yelled to me through the gates – “Mama, Mama, I will braid her hair! Just a few dollars! Bring her here!” They spotted my long-haired daughter with the big wide eyes and wanted to do business. It made me disconcertingly aware of how much I have. Here we were grumbling about spending too much for the drinks on the ship. These people could live for years on the cost of our cruise alone.

I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy my vacation, I did. I just couldn’t help but be struck by the disparity. I couldn’t help but ask the question, “How did I get so lucky?” Sure, I went to college, I worked hard, I tried to be a good person, but bottom line, it has much more to do with where I was born than what I have done since that day. Seeing such overwhelming poverty made me feel not only guilty, but helpless. Although I needed nor wanted nothing, I tried to spend a few dollars at the market. I can’t imagine it made all that much difference.

Having so much free time to lay in the sun, I did a lot of thinking. I wondered how we evolved in to such entitled people. I liked that Holland America didn’t use paper products wastefully and didn’t insist on washing our towels and sheets every night (although we could have requested it). But there was still so much that we wasted. Foil wrapped chocolates, a breakfast menu, and fresh bucket of ice left in our room every night. My kids had three or four different juices with nearly every meal, not to mention a sampling of each of the plentiful desserts. And the individually packaged butter, sweeteners, tea bags, straws, and yogurts were available by the thousands. At the cafeteria style dining room, full plates of food covered abandoned tables. With so many options, why not try everything? After all, we paid for it! I took a tour of the humongous kitchens and was told that the leftover food is chopped up in to tiny pieces and thrown out to sea for the fishes. They couldn’t say the amount. I imagine enough to feed much of Belize City for the day.

Flying home on the airplane as the flight attendants came around with drinks and snacks, I wondered why it is we need them. We can’t survive a 2 hour flight without food and drink? I know my own children can barely survive a 10 minute drive without nourishment. But why is this? Again, when did we become so entitled?

What would happen if we tried more often to do without? What if we passed on the free soda and pretzels on the plane? What if we simply brought an apple with us instead of stopping to buy a 16 oz soda and individually bagged chips at the convenience mart? Or what if we just waited until our next meal or a water fountain? People survived for centuries without “snacks”. It was such an ordeal to produce a meal, that there was no time to snack in between. Maybe it won't make a difference if I forego these things, but what if thousands did? Following the logic of the butterfly flapping his wings in Timbuktoo, something would change. What would it be? I want to redefine for me and for my family what we truly "need".

My house is crammed with stuff. And when I look around and think about getting rid of a few things, it only takes me moments to convince myself I might need the item in question someday. But I don’t really need this stuff. When we returned from our trip, I learned of a family nearby who suffered a house fire. Everyone was fine, but much of their belongings were damaged or lost. I wondered how it might feel to lose the things that fill my house. How much would I truly miss?

I don’t have any clever answers or ideas this week about living organically with children. I only have questions. How much do we really need? Are there any ways we can cut down just a little? How can my consumption and my decisions affect the rest of the world? If all of us gave more careful thought to the things we buy and consume, maybe there would be a little more to share with those who truly need it. And maybe we would discover that many of the things we're "entitled" to we don't actually need.

Be My Valentine

I just finished making my Valentine’s cards! No, I’m not in 2nd grade. But do you remember what a thrill Valentine’s Day cards were in 2nd grade? I loved walking home with my brown paper bag decorated with doilies and stickers and stuffed to bursting with valentines from all my classmates. I couldn’t wait to lay them all out on the kitchen table. I’d study them while I sucked on a lollipop that came affixed to the card from the rich kid. These days my kids come home with their cards and tend to open the ones with candy first, which is most of them.


My daughter is the child who brings in the homemade Valentines Day cards. You know the one. Barely legible, with puffy stickers all over the front. You roll your eyes and think “overachiever”. And she is. But she makes those cards because she likes to and not because her mother makes her. My youngest son is happy to fold over the Harry Potter valentine and choose a sticker to close it with before scrawling his friend’s name on the card. Done. My oldest son never went in for valentines. I made them for him in kindergarten and I’m fairly certain he’s never given out a valentine since.

Here’s why I still make Valentines Day cards even now - I like to. I still get a thrill out of sparkles and glue and paper and pink. I know there’s therapy for that. Or maybe it is my therapy. The bigger reason that I make valentines is that it’s a chance to tell my kids how special they are. When I talk to relatives or friends I haven’t seen in awhile, it’s easy to tell them how amazing my kids are. But I don’t get enough opportunities to tell my kids themselves. And I know they need to hear it.

In a previous life, I had a job that involved working with teenagers and their families. I made a point of telling parents how amazing their kids where while their kids were standing right there. And if a teen asked me to write a recommendation, I always gave them a copy of what I wrote. I wanted them to hear why I thought they were so special. I don’t think kids hear it enough. They hear so many negative messages all day long from themselves and from their peers and maybe even from some adults. Countering those messages is important.

I worry that I don’t tell my own kids how special they are often enough. I guess it just feels awkward to come out in the middle of passing the broccoli with, “You’re such a kind person – that makes me so proud!” So I look for opportunities that present themselves. And Valentines Day does that.

You don’t have to make homemade cards. There’s plenty of them for sale at the store or maybe you even have leftovers in the basement from years gone by. I pulled out the leftover Transformers valentines for my hubby to give the kids. Bigger Valentines are good though. There’s more room for all the mushy stuff you want to say.

I hope you use this Valentines Day as an excuse to tell everyone around you how much you love them. We shouldn’t need an excuse, but it does provide perfect cover from skeptical kids. They can’t wonder why you’re saying this now. It’s Valentines Day after all! However you do it, be sure to find ways to tell your kids what you love about them. They need to hear it and we need to say it.