Yes! You CAN Raise a Daughter Who Loves Her Body!

[Note: This is a guest post from an amazing woman I met via twitter. I'm super excited to share her writing and her message! I think it is a CRITICAL message for everyone who has a daughter. Give Hilary a shout out via twitter or in the blog comments if you agree!]

If I had read the title of this post a few years ago, I would have had two reactions: ‘that’s not possible’, and ‘tell me more.’ I would have been split down the middle between believing that we exist in a world where loving our bodies as women is nearing impossibility, and wanting desperately to know that it didn’t have to be that way.

But all of that doubt changed a few years ago. When trying to pick a topic for my master’s thesis, I kept coming back to the fear that I would one day have a daughter who struggled with her body in the same way I have. So, my supervisor and I set out to find young women who loved their bodies, and learn from them and their mothers what went right.

Over hours and hours of conversation with these women, and their mothers, we learned two very important things.

First, it is possible for young women to love their bodies, and their mothers absolutely had a role to play in that.

You're Responsibility Vs. Deep-fried Twinkies....

After what seems like a very long hiatus, I’m back at it. I haven’t abandoned you my Kid Friendly Organic Life people! In fact, one of my New Year’s resolution is to get back to blogging regularly here.

Honest confession – it’s not just that I’ve missed you (I have! I have!), but also my jeans are getting a little tight and there’s just a bit too much white sugar creeping back into my world. My excuses are long and layered, but they amount to nothing more than distraction and laziness

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I have discovered that I write about what I most care about, and lately that has been rescue dogs, fiction writing, and my own navel. Not that those are bad things, but it’s time to turn back to my health. I’m turning 50 this year which is a shock to me. Instead of running from that fact, I’m embracing it and that means getting serious about staying healthy.

We should all be serious about our health. There’s much too much taking-it-for-granted-until-it’s-too-late happening. In honor of that, I thought I’d tackle the NEW nutrition guidelines that have been behind a flurry of redundant filler articles turning up in every news outlet in town

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Dietary Guidelines for Americans is published every 5 years for health professionals in light of the latest and greatest nutrition science. This momentous occurrence just occurred as the 2015-2020 dietary guidelines were published this past fall. If you want to read it in full (it’s long and has many, many tables and appendixes, but it’s very clearly laid out and not too governmenty) click here.

For the rest of us normal people, here’s the shortened version of the guidelines:

Live Intentionally

NOTE: This is an introductory chapter explaining my working title for my forthcoming book based on this blog. After WAY too much agonizing, I finally decided that my blog is about much more than eating. It's also about more than organic living. It's about living intentionally. So, that's the title (for now) - Live Intentionally. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. The manuscript goes to beta readers this Friday! 

What Does an Intentional Life Look Like?

An Intentional Life is a life that is authentic. It’s real. It can be trusted.  It means not just healthier eating, but knowing your food – where it came from, how it was prepared, and what it can do for you. It’s also enjoying that food and taking pride in the care you’ve taken in selecting or creating it.

It’s feeling good about how you spend your time and how your children spend their time. It’s taking care of your body and teaching your children to do the same. It’s exploring your own creativity and ability and not being a stand-by passenger in this life. 

PARENT BEWARE: Your dry cleaning, toys, pretty lawn, and even your tap water may be poisoning your child's mind

Are toys, dry cleaning, and pretty lawns dangerous to your kids? Maybe, maybe not, but the evidence is certainly mounting.

According to a recent Harvard study, common chemicals in your house can wreak havoc on your child’s brain development. These toxic chemicals may be responsible for neurodevelopmental problems such as autism, ADHD, and dyslexia, but they may also be the culprit behind harder to pin down problems like slower development, lower math scores, hyperactivity, poor motor skills, aggressive behaviors, or just simply brains that never realize their potential.

The study is not conclusive, but there is plenty of evidence connecting neurodevelopmental issues and toxic chemicals found in dry cleaning, flame retardants (used on furniture, toys, and clothing), pesticides commonly sprayed on lawns, and even tap water.

Fat Kids Are Not Healthy or Happy: A Prescription for Parents

As a formerly fat kid, I feel somewhat qualified to address this issue: Childhood Obesity. I’ve kind of ducked and dodged the touchy issue on this blog, mentioning it in passing but never really facing it head on. Well, here goes.

I remember being dragged to the doctor as a chubby 8-year-old and being told I needed to eat more carrots and melba toast and less orange soda and cheese puffs. I felt guilty for every bite I put in my mouth after that. I look back on photos from those years and I certainly was chunky, but I wasn’t “obese.” Still, from the moment I stepped on that scale at the doctor’s office and he frowned, I only ever thought of myself again as fat. Even after I lost those pounds as a teenager, I never lost those pounds in my mind. I’m still conscious of every bite I take and I still judge myself by it. So trust me when I say I’m sensitive about this issue and my heart aches for kids who face it. I know it will color their lives.

Childhood obesity is complicated. It’s not about putting kids on a diet and it’s not about getting them active. Those are two strategies that will put a temporary bandaid on a lifelong sickness.

What we have to do is teach kids to live healthy and care about their bodies. As parents there is much we can do to set them up for success. But it will take time, effort, and a willingness to set an example. Most heavy kids have at least one parent who has, or is, struggling with their own weight. If it’s hard for us, how much harder is it for our kids?

Here’s what you’re up against –

Would You Eat Your Yoga Mat? (You probably already have)

Happiness is still hot. This time last year, I was delving into the book The Happiness Project. I found so much gold there I led several book discussions on it and even developed a retreat utilizing the research presented in the book. This year my new favorite, dog-eared book is The Happiness Diet.

I was driven to purchase a diet book by the weather. Really. This eternal, maddening deep freeze that is holding my state in its clutches is seriously limiting my running and has led me to put on a few extra pounds. I’m not a good dieter. It makes me grumpy, so this “Diet” seemed like it had potential. The subtititle: “A Nutritional Prescription for a Sharp Brain, Balanced Mood, and Lean, Energized Body” hooked me immediately. Who doesn’t want all that?

I spent the majority of the book muttering, “Uh, huh,” “Amen,” and “Wow- I could use that on the blog.”  Which means that you good people are going to vicariously read this book whether you like it or not. You might as well go out and buy a copy.

The book makes a huge case for avoiding processed food. In fact, it lists 100 solid reasons why you should put down your twinkie and Super-sized coke. Being the skeptic, I looked up many of them. The authors are definitely playing on your fears, but for good reason. Here are a few of my favorites –

Families That Eat Together....

What time is dinner? Used to be my kids could count on a 6pm dinner hour every night. If they were home. Some days all five of us ate together, but most days we ate in shifts. Whoever was home at 6 ate then, and everyone else warmed something up later. But then this year I messed everything up. At least for my daughter who prefers that we eat between 5 and 7 (when her computer is shut down by the computer gods). These days dinner might be at 5:30 and it might be at 7:30, it’s even ended up being 8pm (“think of it as European…”).

What’s brought this change? Possibly my middle-age panic that I’m missing out on what’s left of my kids’ time at my table. And possibly the fact that there are too many people going in too many directions every afternoon and it’s become difficult to figure out what I can cook in 15 minutes between car pools that will still be good 90 minutes later. 

Now we eat together. Except for Thursdays. Thursdays are “Fend for yourself nights”. That evening was just too complicated to find a common dinner hour. Mondays mean band rehearsals and drum lessons, so we eat at 7:30pm. On Tuesdays we eat early at 5:20 before soccer and bass lessons. Wednesdays is an after-practice meal at 7:15. Fridays we have to follow practice with Pizza Night at 8 (cocktails at 6:30). Saturday and Sunday nights are the only days we come close to our habitual 6pm feeding. The kids are adapting. And amazingly, it’s working. 

And now a recent study has revealed what I must have instinctively known all along. Family meals make your family healthier. Rutgers University recently evaluated nearly 70 studies to gather information about the benefits of families eating together at home. The studies revealed that families who eat together have a healthier diet and consume less junk food. Plus teens who eat at home with their families show fewer signs of depression. And all family members are more likely to have a healthy weight.  

40% of the typical American food budget is spent on eating out which makes me wonder how many of us are eating together as a family around our dinner table. This is a no-brainer. You can save money, be healthier, and help your kids by cooking and eating at home. Okay, I hear you now. But how do we get a healthy meal on the table when we’re busy with work, volunteer commitments, and shuttling kids to and from all of their activities?  

No, I don’t have an easy answer. But I have a few helpful suggestions.

1. Create a family meal book. Ours is a looseleaf binder with menus and recipes that most everyone likes. Half the time (at least for me) it’s the challenge of thinking of something to eat that slows me down. Two of my kids prepare a meal each week, so they consult this book when they do their meal planning. I regularly add new recipes I discover in my travels to prevent it from getting too boring.
2. Keep staples in stock. Our freezer will always have ground beef, homemade broth, fish, veggies, fruits, meatballs, and chicken tenders in it. These are the ingredients that the kids need to make meals. You will also find fish sticks, French fries, hot dogs, and flour tortillas for nights when dinner has to be quick and easy. Our pantry is always stocked with pasta sauce, olive oil, good vinegar, applesauce, soup, crackers, beans, ketchup, pasta of every shape and size, rice, potatoes, garlic, and onions. Because I know these things are there, I can cook confidently and the kids have what they need when it’s their turn to cook. Your pantry would probably look different – take your cue from your recipe binder.
3. Keep a good shopping list posted where everyone can add to it. Ours is on the side of the fridge. The system is – if you open the last one, add it to the list. That goes for anything – can of beans, bottle of ketchup, jar of jelly, clove of garlic, paper towel roll. This system makes my life easier. I don’t have to try to remember everything we need. The only time it fails is when I forget the list when I go to the store.
4. Keep meals simple. You don’t have to have a fancy meal for it to be healthy. For us it’s typically – some kind of protein, one carbohydrate, and two veggies or fruit. Done. I can get a healthy meal on the table in five minutes or two hours, depending on my day’s options. Cheese & bean burritos, corn, and applesauce is a five minute meal.
5. Utilize your crockpot. Everyone’s got one. At least everyone who ever gets married. I got three for my wedding. Nothing reduces stress like knowing dinner is ready to go the moment you walk in the door. A few of my favorite crock pot meals (e-mail me for recipes or check the recipe link on the blog) – Beef Stew, Meatloaf, and Lasagna. I can get all of these ready in the morning and come home to dinner ready to go. The internet is bustin’ with crockpot recipes, blogs, even websites so get your pot on!
6. Get everyone involved in making the meal happen. Every day my kids have either “set, clear, or dish”. This makes getting a meal on the table much more feasible. It also underlines their investment in our meal. We have a chalkboard mounted on the wall near the table which lists who has which job. I recreate the board each week based on who will be home to set the table and whose schedule would make dishes a better option.
7. Make eating together a priority. My kids fussed when I initiated this new practice. I ignored them. If they were hungry and dinner wasn’t for two hours, I pointed them towards the baby carrots and dip or I opened a jar of applesauce. I did not cave. It only took a few weeks for them to get the message. Remember – You’re the adult here. You get to make the rules.
8. I’m sure this is implied, but when you gather for a family meal, turn off the TV and leave the electronic habits elsewhere. Focus on being together.
9. One last idea here – once you’ve got them all sitting round the table, encourage the conversation. I have a friend that asks her kids to tell them one good and one bad thing that happened that day. My kids like to ask if anyone has new jokes (there seems to be an endless supply if you attend a middle or high school). I like to ask them one thing they learned today. At first it garnered sarcastic comments like, “the corn dogs in the cafeteria are gross”, but now I get much better answers. If necessary make a few rules like “No talking about minecraft at the table” (they would have conversations that lasted the entire meal and my husband and I had no idea what they were talking about.)

Like any change, it takes awhile to make this happen. But it’s worth it. Don’t take my word for it, take Rutgers’. Here are a few comments from the newsletter highlighting their findings: 

A study by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University showed that teens who take part in regular family meals are less likely to smoke, drink alcohol, or use marijuana and other drugs. 

Studies have also shown that children and teenagers tend to have better grades when their families have dinners together at least five times a week. The Columbia University study showed that frequent family dinners were associated with better school performance, with teens 40 percent more likely to get As and Bs. 

Kathleen Morgan, chair of Rutgers Family and Community Health Sciences, states that having healthful meals during the transition from early to middle adolescence impacts the development of healthy eating behaviors for youths. Morgan claims that the period from 12 years to the late teens is "one of the most dynamic development periods in a person's lifetime, and habits established in this time frame are more likely to last." 

Miriam Weinstein, author of The Surprising Power of Family Meals, reflects that "family supper is important because it gives children reliable access to their parents. It provides anchoring for everyone's day. It emphasizes the importance of the family." 

I think that last comment is the one that most resonates with me personally. Our family meal anchors our day. All five of us are going in many directions all day long. We’re encountering people, teachings, and media that offer conflicting messages about life, values, and the choices we make. It’s good to come together near the end of each day so that we can process what we’ve heard, seen, and experienced with people who love us and support us no matter what. After being disconnected all day, it’s a few precious minutes to reconnect.